College Football is Upon Us…TONITE!
Hey you, Mr. Successful Alumnus. Do you realize what time of year it is? Our football program doesn’t run on good intentions or happy thoughts. We need some cash, cold hard cash. Our players don’t have nearly enough plasma screens. No, not for film study, for BET and MTV. They want to see Rihanna as clearly as possible. And remember that state-of-the-art weight-lifting machine? It seems that it was what was causing our star running back hamstring problems. So we need a new state-of-the-art machine that isn’t yet discredited. And those things don’t come cheap. So open up your pockets old man, and maybe we’ll name a tunnel after you. Oh, and also, they’re going to throw away all our books or something, so the library guys might get some of it. Yeah, I know greedy bastards.
What would college football be without the old wealthy men who live vicariously through their team’s success? Oregon might have better looking jerseys without Phil Knight, but I doubt they’d have those enviable facilities. So let’s give a silent thanks to the ridiculously rich who make sure that our favorite players can watch HDTV at their tutoring building while a grad student does their next paper. Oh yeah, and there’s a SEC preview, after the jump.
The SEC is easily the best conference in the NCAA, hands down, top to bottom. Week in, week out, it’s a battle down south. Emerging unscathed from the SEC’s regular season and championship game is probably the most difficult thing to achieve in college football. And still, we have national title contenders this year from that monster of a conference in the southland.
Best Team: Auburn - Alabama Usually Beats Us Rednecks no longer lives up to their acronymnal insult. After getting screwed out of a national title two years ago, it appears the Tigers/War Eagles are reloaded and ready to earn that crystal ball they rightfully earn in 2004. LSU poses their biggest threat, as they still have the remnants of Nick Saban’s recruiting. In all liklihood, what will trip up either of these teams is a random stumbling block along the SEC schedule.
Worst Team: Vanderbilt - Hopefully they capitalized on Jay Cutler’s presence with some sort of recruiting class, so they’ll be good again in four years.
Best Player: Chris Leak - You’ve been hearing about him since he was in high school, and he still hasn’t lived up to his potential. He’s running an offense that’s completely wrong for him and he might get benched. Wait….Chris Leak must not be the best player. Why would recruiting summaries lie to me? Next thing you’re telling me that Jimmy Clausen isn’t already the best player in the history of time.
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