Thank You, Friend with Satellite Dish, for Existing
Through a combination of my unwillingness to get a satellite dish and the combined greed of the NFL and Comcast cable, I am unable to watch tonight’s matchup between the Green Bay Packers and the Dallas Cowboys.
Fix my internet, jerks.
(How I loathe thee, Comcast cable. The NFL might be denying me the professional football, but at least they created professional football. What have you created, Comcast? Nothing but misery and “Just ask Zak.” And “Just Ask Zak” is simply concentrated misery. You suck Comcast, you suck.)
That is, I would be unable to watch tonight’s Packers - Cowboys game, if it weren’t for my friend with a satellite dish. You know who you are. I like to think deep-down we all have a friend with a satellite dish. And you know what, it’s time we thanked him. If not for you, friend with satellite dish, I would be forced to go to a bar, overpay for drinks and food, and try to watch the game over the noise of sorority girls getting hit on. But not now. No, thanks to you, friend with satellite dish, I can sit comfortably on a couch, enjoy a reasonably priced beverage and watch the game uninterrupted by society’s dullards. Thank you, friend with satellite dish. Thank you.
Oh, and dude, you get Cinemax, right?
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