ESPN has announced that Keyshawn Johnson will be taking over as Tom Jackson’s biggest source of shame at this year’s NFL draft, a position left wide open since “retard” Mike Irvin was given his walking papers. Keyshawn will be providing insight about being a number one pick, in so much as he knows what it’s […]
You win that one last championship, then you’re an also-ran. Congratulations, Heat, on not mattering anymore.
Have fun squandering the next (and last) 5 years of Dwyane Wade’s NBA career.
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Welcome to the post-Barbaro era, fans. That more-god-than-horse really showed us how the noble equine was meant to be treated: royally. (And for the love of God, keep Harry Potter away from that horse!) They’re better than us, and deserve likewise. In that vein, I introduce you to Cindy McVey, Equine Sports Massage Therapist. Yes, horses are now […]
The NBA playoffs are apparently going to get exciting earlier than planned. This is a surprise. I was perfectly content to sit back and wait for the Mavs, Suns, Spurs clusterfuck of contention, but this — this is something completely different. The Mavericks, team of 67 wins, fell to former Mav coach Don Nelson and […]
Have you ever really looked at your hands? I mean, really looked at your hands? They’re freaking awesome. Everybody always says “Calvin Johnson has great hands.” I never thought about it, but I do. I mean, look at them. They’re so awesome. Man, my fingers are so weird. But, you know, a good weird. Like, I […]
As you may already know, internet denizen, English translations of Chinese can be quite hilarious. I mean really hilarious. Knee-slapping hilarious. These glorious failures of communication are commonly called Engrish or Chinglish. (Apparently, Engrish is from Japan, Chinglish from China. I really doubt there was a need to differentiate between the two.) Go ahead, look […]
The charges in the Duke Lacrosse case are set to be dropped. See, I thought they did that when the accusations were shown to be complete fabrications. But I guess that’s just naive of me to assume that when charges are shown to be false, they’re usually dropped. At least that’s how it works on […]
Photo Source: Newsday.com
I’m going to be honest. At first, I didn’t think that this Don Imus “Nappy-Haired Hos” thing was a big deal. Not because Nappy-Haired Hos (Ho’s, Hoes, ‘ho’s?) is particularly unoffensive or true, but because it’s Don Imus. Imus in the morning is the curmudgeon show. It’s what it would be like if […]
Hey, guess what? Fuck MSU and fuck college hockey.
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The NBA playoffs will be Agent Zero-less. Today has sucked so far. Luckily the Office returns.
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According to recently leaked MLB tax forms, Bud Selig was paid [outdated Dr. Evil impression] 14.5 million dollars [/outdated Dr. Evil impression] in 2005. That makes me extremely sad. His base salary was $6 million, so that means he “earned” $8.5 mil in bonuses. That makes me even sadder. What makes me the saddest? My […]
Two days ago, Dana Altman was the head men’s basketball coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks. Three days previously he was the coach at Creighton. He’s the coach at Creighton again today. Presumably, he just noticed the “Ar” in front of Kansas and had some second thoughts. (Those two little letters change the nature of the […]
In a move that will someday surely lead to a presidential nomination, current New York mayor Michael Bloomberg says he’ll veto a bill banning metal bats from New York high school baseball. It just wouldn’t be spring for Mayor Bloomberg without that ping of the bat. (Actually, he just thinks that it’s not “the city’s […]
Polite, encouraging applause
[error]
BOOO!
[strikeout]
BOOOO!
[groundout]
grumbled curses
[fly out]
louder curses
[single]
polite applause
[run scored]
GIAMBINO!
[homerun]
Eruption of cheers
[curtain call]
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I didn’t watch much of the NCAA Championship game. It was a re-run. Ohio State never beats Florida. I get it already. Joakim Noah annoys me, Thad Matta is ugly. No surprises there. Unless they were going to release Greg Oden’s birth certificate, it wasn’t worth watching. Thus, I didn’t.
Now opening day, now that was […]
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Written by Alejandro de los Rios [email], and Cherie Lampley for b5media.
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