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Dejuiced! Sports News with No Boundaries

Archive for March 2007

March 16th, 2007

Sweet Fancy Moses, Sammy’s Back

In the good ole days when we were blissfully ignorant — by choice — of steroids, HGH and the like, this would be a feel good story. A triumph over age, a comeback for the ages. Hoorah! A once great player returns with the team he started with. Bully! Nowadays we’re suppose to care about […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 16th, 2007

How Busted Is Your Bracket? (Day 1)

Not very, unless you’re a Dookie.
(Oh, and if you are a Dookie….ha!)
There weren’t many upsets. (Read: 1) No one’s final four team lost in the first round. Everybody’s doing pretty well, except that jerk who picks almost all upsets then goes “I called it” when he gets one right. That jerk is screwed. Screw him. […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 15th, 2007

I Cannot Wait For the Western Conference Finals, Either

I don’t know if the NBA scheduled that game to purposefully steal the NCAA tournament’s thunder, but it did. Nash was grabbing boards, getting steals in OT, it was like some bizarro-fantastic basketball world. My-Dirk-In-A-Box was making it rain. Mark Cuban pushed a camera man. Two Overtimes! I can’t think of a way this could […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 14th, 2007

“You Should Pick Up A-Roddy!”

Hey, I don’t always bash the Worldwide Leader. For instance, they made a wise decision in removing the exorbitant price from their fantasy baseball engine. For years, I never saw the need to pay money to use ESPN’s rules for fantasy baseball where I could get it for free elsewhere. But now, ESPN fantasy baseball […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 14th, 2007

Kobe Bryant Turned Me Into a Newt

I got better.
Phil Jackson says the NBA is on a witch hunt — or, to be gender-mage correct, warlock hunt — trying to stick it to his star player, Kobe Bryant. Kobe just happens to keep hitting people in the face (accidentally!) and the NBA is getting all bitchy about it. Quoth the zenmaster,
That’s crazy. […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 14th, 2007

ESPN Has a Different Definition of “Breaking News” than You or I

Breaking News! Something you knew in 1989! More Breaking News! The Berlin Wall has come down!

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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 13th, 2007

Holy Shit, College Basketball Teams That Can Legitimately Feel Disrespected

Niagara and Florida A&M are — surprise! — feeling a little disrespected. You know, cause they already had to win a conference tournament, which they did. And then, I mean, crazy conference-tournament winning teams that they are, they thought they were in the NCAA tournament. But no, of course not, now they have to play […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 13th, 2007

Yeah, Like Red Sox Fans Needed Help Raising Insufferable Pricks

Finally, the combination of brainwashing and absentee parenting for the sports obsessed has some star power. Team Baby Entertainment, which produces DVD’s to teach young children to be obsessed with a certain sports team — colors too, it also teaches colors — or sports league, has pegged Ben Affleck to do some voice over work […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 7th, 2007

It’s My Dirk in a Box!

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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 7th, 2007

Monopoly Money, More NFL Off-Season Actions

Niners Sign Banta-Cain - I really think that a Banta-Cain was in Star Wars at some point.
LB Brian Simmons lands with Saints - This is a solid acquisition for the Saints, who could be the favorites in the wide-open NFC next year. Also, I think this officially makes up for Katrina, but I’ve said that […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 7th, 2007

Shut Up Tyler, We’re All Having Fun Being Indignant

Tyler “The Miz” Hansbrough, victim of the worst foul in college basketball history, has decided to ruin the fun for the rest of us.
“I was upset when it happened,” Hansbrough said in his first public comments on the subject. “I don’t think he did it intentionally. I don’t really like talking about it because I […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 7th, 2007

Auto-Bids: Aren’t They Cute

Wright State - The Raiders really should spell their name “Wraiders.” That would be pretty neat. They defeated Butler, who will likely still make the tourney as an at-large bid, which is significantly less cute.
Oral Roberts - Heheh, Oral. They defeated Oakland (Michigan) to win the MCC for the second straight year. Oral, that’s just […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 7th, 2007

The Hangover

Spurs 99, Trailblazers 94 - Spurs win their 10th straight, still, no one cares.
Mavericks 102, Nets 89 - Eventually the Mavs will lose, and then maybe — maybe — we’ll start paying attention to the Spurs.
Timberwolves 117, Lakers 107 - Kobe Bryant slapped someone in the face again, also scored forty points.

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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 6th, 2007

Hmmm…That Quote Seems Familiar

Pat Riley, on Dwyane Wade’s decision to forgo surgery and attempt to return this year following physical therapy:
He’s a warrior. He’s a soldier. And these are his guys.
Remember the outrage at the douchebaggery of Kellen Winslow a few years back?

Yeah, those quotes are essentially the same. (The furor over Winslow’s quotes was that he called […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 6th, 2007

Krzyzewski, Freudian Slipper

When Coach K stood silent as Roy Williams went on and on right after the heinous Gerald Henderson foul, I thought to myself, Billy Packer is an idiot. I also thought, Coach K is going to go to bat for Henderson, denying all intent and malice. Of course, he tried to, but I noticed this […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 6th, 2007

Auto-Bids: Aren’t They Cute

Here’s the teams that you won’t pick when you fill out your bracket, because you have more brains than balls:
Virgina Commonwealth University - This is the equivalent of Virginia State University, except Virginia isn’t a state, it’s technically a commonwealth. They beat last years favorite founding father George Mason to win the CAA Championship.
Niagra - […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

March 6th, 2007

Monopoly Money Madness Continues, More NFL Transactions

Bears Trade Thomas Jones to Jets for second round pick - That’s a high price for Thomas Jones, but at least the Jets fans will have one less thing to boo about on draft day. Thomas Jones seems like one of those guys who is going to play a lot of places, because he’s not […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments