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Dejuiced! Sports News with No Boundaries

Archive for February 2007

February 28th, 2007

Chairman Emo Bangs, the 20th Most Influential In Online Sports

I do enjoy when Will, our fearless leader, gets recognized by the legitimate online community. Sports Business Journal mentions that he’s the “hippest person” of our little neck of the internets. (As if it weren’t obvious by his picture.) Unfortunately, they fail to mention that he wields tremendous power over an army of commenters who […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 28th, 2007

Apparently, They Don’t Have Photoshop at Topps

I held off on this story for a couple days, because I didn’t believe that Topps snuck George W. Bush and Mickey Mantle into the card. I thought it was some kid on Microsoft Paint. I see better photoshops daily on Fark.com. (Seriously, those guys are amazing.) No way would the graphic designers at a […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 28th, 2007

Swimsuit Models! Hepatitis! Not as Interesting a Story as You Would Think!

Attendees of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue party are being warned of a possible exposure to Hepatitis A due to contaminated food provided by Wolfgang Puck catering. Of course, the most natural way to warn those attendees was a front page headline on the CNNSI main page. I found it amusing, if not actually germane […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 28th, 2007

Today In Unsurprising News

-Livingston out for season with ligament tears
(Note to user: under no circumstance should this video be viewed by anyone, ever.)

No shit.
-Barry Bonds is bigger than he used to be, but now we have numbers. His feet grew two and a half sizes! Holy smokes. Maybe he just likes loose shoes now. Who knows? Oh yeah, […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 28th, 2007

The Hangover

Tennessee 86, Florida 76 - Joakim Noah needs to take more than five shots a game, probably.
Michigan 67, Michigan St. 56 - HA!
Mavericks 91, Timberwolves 65 - Sixty-five points usually isn’t enough to win a basketball game. Unless you were playing Sparty last night. Hi-yo!
Bucks 122, Warriors 101 - Sometimes Michael Redd shoots really well […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 27th, 2007

The Best and Worst Of Soccer In One Play

Behold, Ronaldinho will demonstrate the beauty and artistry that can happen in a soccer game. It’s sublime. He changes directions so often that it’s as if he doesn’t move at all. He approaches the goal at a ridiculous angle, splitting defenders as he covers more ground laterally than he does progressing to the goal. The […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 27th, 2007

News From The Inevitable Future: Cyborg Dwyane Wade

Miami, 2023 - Dwyane Wade v 4.81 was just released from his 17th surgery at Miami Hospital/Advanced Cyrogenics Warfare lab. He plans on making his return to the NBA within the coming month, depending on how quickly he grows used to his new fuel-cell-powered bionic calves and laser-fitted eyesight. These new technologies will further benefit […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 27th, 2007

The Hangover

Lakers 102, Jazz 94 - Kobe Bryant hits a Dwyane Wadian 21 free throw attempts. Well, someone has to get an inordinate amount of free throws while the untouchable one recovers.
Celtics 77, Rockets 72 - Yao and McGrady were both inactive for the game, but that’s still no excuse.
Magic 94, Bulls 87 - Darko and […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

In My Dreams, It Starts Just Like This

Also, their cable is broken.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

And Manny Thinks to Himself, What’s the Least Predictable Thing I Could Do

Manny shows up to spring training three days early. It is possible that he just forgot what day it is, but I like to think he’s just keeping us on our toes.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

Nothing Gets People Excited For International Sporting Events Like Chinese Students Swimming Across Bodies of Water in Oceania, Right?

China is still getting used to some of the finer points of capitalism as they abandon their permanent revolution, like marketing. You see, the Chinese government wants to start hyping the upcoming 2008 Summer Olympics. Their best idea, have two students from the Beijing Sport University swim across various bodies of water. (Don’t laugh, Beijing […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

Today In Unsurprising Baseball News

Barry Bonds is uncooperative and Carl Pavano got hurt.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s edition: the Royals suck.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

The Only Ways to Stop Rulon Gardner? Remove the Head or Destroy the Brain

At one time, Rulon Gardner greatest example of badassery was when he defeated the sublimely named Alexander Alexandrovich Karelin, who hadn’t lost in thirteen years and hadn’t been scored upon in six, in the 2000 Sydney Olympics for the Greco-Roman Wrestling gold medal. Because beating this guy clearly wasn’t enough, Rulon started to make his […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 26th, 2007

The Hangover: Oscar After-Party Edition

Pistons 95, Bulls 93 - The Departed Ben Wallace faces off against his old Detroit brethren. Everybody doesn’t die at the end because the Pistons play in Auburn Hills, not Detroit.
Ohio St. 49, Wisconsin 48 - Greg Oden is a teenager, but looks (and plays) way older. Helen Mirren is a sexagenarian, but I want […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 23rd, 2007

Hockey Might Just Have A Chance

So long as they do this, you know, instead of playing hockey.

Goalie Fight!
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 22nd, 2007

The Prophecy Has Come to Pass

It took me some time to truly decipher and translate from our ancient texts, but I have studied over them both day and night and have found a startling discovery, one that is at first disheartening but eventually is found with redemption.
You see, it has been foretold that the most coveted of trophies would one […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

February 20th, 2007

Wow, That Was Freaking Awesome. And No, I Still Won’t Be Watching Next Week

NASCAR, for the first time ever, passed the Holy-Shit-I-need-to-tell-someone-about-what-I-just-saw test. Congratulations, National Association of Stock Car Auto Racing, you did it. All it took was a 2/100ths of a second separation between the first and second place finishers, a crash on the final lap and some dude crossing the finish line on his roof while […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

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