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Dejuiced! Sports News with No Boundaries

Archive for January 2007

January 31st, 2007

Hey, Peyton’s Father

Jimmy Johnson, watch out for those loose seals on your next fishing trip.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 31st, 2007

Minnesota High School Wrestling, Now the Easiest Way to Get Herpes

Sorry, Paris.

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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 31st, 2007

So, Barry Bonds Isn’t Signed?

Wait, I still don’t give a fuck.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 30th, 2007

Won’t Someone Interview Kyle Orton, Just For His Sake?

He just looks so sad. Could someone get him some Jack to cheer him up? And did they really need the tarp behind ol’ Neckbeard? I know he’s prone to spillage, but that just seems unnecessary.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 30th, 2007

Materazzi (That Italian Guy that Zidane Headbutted) Headbutted Again

This drastically affects the order of things-that-happen-in-soccer-games. Headbutting Materazzi has moved up one spot. The new order, from most frequently occurring to least: diving, racism, drinking, rioting, headbutting Materazzi, streaking, scoring goals, Americans scoring goals, America winning, and lastly Americans being entertained.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 30th, 2007

Sammy Sosa’s Plan to Delay His Hall of Fame Eligibility Continues

Sosa signs minor-league deal with Rangers. Eventually everyone’s going to forget about that steroid thing, right? Right?
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 30th, 2007

Hey, You Got Your Evil Empire in My, uh, Evil Empire

China and the New York Yankees, together at last.
And if you think this isn’t just the Yankees getting a head-start on untapped billions of potential Chinese ballplayers, well, you haven’t been paying attention.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 29th, 2007

News From the Inevitable Future!

Louisville, May 2016 - For the fourth year in a row President Barbaro II will be the favorite in this years Kentucky Derby presented by McRosoft. He is currently listed as a 3:1 favorite. Thoroughbred purists still have qualms with the nature of the 2006 winner’s return to racing.
In early 2007, due to complications resulting […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 2 comments

January 22nd, 2007

On Peyton Manning’s Exorcism and Chicago’s Obsession With The ‘85 Bears

That’s exactly how Peyton Manning had to do it, wasn’t it? Peyton played fantastically, and was fantastically clutch. He did what no one thought he was capable of doing against his nemesis. (I think the term nemesis is a bit much, more of just the thorn in Peyton’s paw.) Those smug New Englanders really had […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 20th, 2007

If Only LA Fans Cared This Much

Dutch soccer team Feyenoord has been thrown out of the UEFA Cup competition for actions of its fans back in November.  The Dutch fans started rioting, including throwing seats at police, at the end of a 3-0 thrashing by French squad AS Nancy. 
You know, I might be mad too if my team lost to a […]

By The Fan's Attic -- 0 comments

January 20th, 2007

T-Wolves May Release Eddie Griffin. Eddie Griffin May Release Something Else.

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin may be released by the team following his league mandated five-game suspension for violating the NBA’s anti-drug policies.  Oddly enough it was Griffin’s attempted ‘release’ that got him into his latest trouble.  Allegedly, Griffin was drunk driving, watching a porno and masturbating when he crashed into another vehicle in June […]

By The Fan's Attic -- 0 comments

January 20th, 2007

The Hangover

Portland Trailblazers 101 - Phoenix Suns 106:  12 straight wins for the Suns as the Blazers continue its march towards the Greg Oden Sweepstakes.
Washington Wizards 114 - Orlando Magic 93:  Antawn “My First Name Is Spelled Wrong” Jamison and Agent Zero led the Wiz over the Magic who lost its fourth straight.
 
 
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By The Fan's Attic -- 0 comments

January 19th, 2007

I Smell Reality Program

Presumably because they spent their entire team salary on a third of David Beckham, the LA Galaxy will be holding open tryouts. Potential players trying out will have to fork over $130, so if 1,923,077 people show up they got that whole contract payed off.
Also, excellent work by Reuters, as half of the article is […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 19th, 2007

More Interesting than Hockey, Internet Voting Irregularities and Slate Have Any Right to Be

The last thing the NHL needs is an expose regarding them sabotaging the wishes of their few remaining fans. Seriously, the NHL is run by the Keystone Kops. All-Star games are jokes. I thought only Bud Selig thought otherwise, but apparently the NHL guys take it too seriously as well.
The man, always keeping us down. […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

January 19th, 2007

How To Impress Your Friends and Colleagues With NFL Related Jokes This Weekend

Hey internet denizens, this weekend there’s some intriguing conference championship games. You may find yourself watching them with other people. People with whom you may interact. You may want to try to impress them with your knowledge of NFL goings-ons and/or your wit. These jokes probably won’t help you, but — hey — they could. […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 1 comment

January 13th, 2007

Michael Strahan Is Now A Poor Man

A judge ordered NY Giant defensive-end Michael Strahan to pay his ex-wife $15.3 million. The amount was in line with the prenuptial agreement Jean Strahan and Michael signed in 1999:
Under the agreement, Jean Strahan was entitled to 50 percent of their joint marital assets and 20 percent of his yearly income from each year […]

By The Fan's Attic -- 2 comments

January 13th, 2007

EPL Saturday: Hello, Mr. Roboto.

Watford 0 – Liverpool 3:  After consecutive thrashings by Arsenal in the last week, Liverpool feasted upon the relegation dwellers Watford.  Peter Crouch, he of The Robot goal scoring celebration, scored twice and Craig Bellamy, he of the assault charges, feasted on the slow Watford defense.  Bellamy netted one and assisted one.
Chelsea 4 - Wigan […]

By The Fan's Attic -- 0 comments

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