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Dejuiced! Sports News with No Boundaries

Archive for August 2006

August 28th, 2006

The Hangover

Yankees 11, Angels 8 - Steinbrenner apparently has financed some sort of time-travel machine to take us back to 1996, as Bernie Williams homers twice.
White Sox 6, Twins 1 - The White Sox avoid the sweep that the other Sox couldn’t.
Mariners 6, Red Sox 3 - I told you, why didn’t you believe me?
Marlins […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 24th, 2006

College Football is Upon Us

Soon the leaves will begin the change and young adults around the nation will leave their summer jobs to return to the inebriated sanctuary of university life. In those hallowed walls of learning the future will be shaped. And inbetween drunken hookups at fraternities and boredom related hookups at the library, many of these future […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 6 comments

August 24th, 2006

Boxing Promoters Now Ripping Off Potential Boxing Promoters

Thirty-eight fools were soon parted with $1,995 so they could receive their MBAs, Master of Boxing Administration, from Fight Promoter University. (A much better school than Fight Promoter State, that cow college.) The keynote speaker was Jim Lampley, a boxing commentator on HBO. The students completed their training by basically running a fight for Dean […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 24th, 2006

The Hangover

Yankees 9, Mariners 2 - King Felix gets roughed up to the tune of seven runs, Chien-Mien Wang gets his 15th win, my fantasy team weeps.
Indians 15, Royals 13 - This is exactly the score I expected when I saw the Royals were up 10-1 in the first. The most amazing thing is that in […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 23rd, 2006

Pointlessy Blasphemous Column Pisses Off Jim Leyland

Jim Leyland’s brother is a priest, Joe Torre’s sister is a nun.  Cue worthless column debating for whom God is rooting. Each story is slightly touching human interest story in it’s own right, but they really should be separate stories in the siblings’ respective church newsletter. Jim Leyland takes the proper indignation. His opinion on […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 23rd, 2006

How They Wake You Up in Hell

For only $29.85, you or someone you love can wake up every morning to Dick Vitale shouting “several different ‘wake up’ calls” with the Dick Vitale Alarm Clock. It promises that you’ll “never oversleep again,” which makes sense as the owner of this hellspawn will probably never sleep again, ever. Can’t sleep, Dick Vitale will […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 23rd, 2006

Unsurprising Steroids Story of the Day

Steroids were found at a Chinese sports school. Boy, steroids in communist nation training centers, that’s never happened before.
They found appalling evidence of collective doping. Officials caught school staff injecting teenage students with banned substances and confiscated illegal drugs including erythropoietin (EPO) and testosterone. The management of the school not only defied the law but […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 1 comment

August 23rd, 2006

WTA Takes First Step to Becoming the First Entire League in Bed with Questionable Nutritionists

The conundrum: tennis players want supplements, the WTA doesn’t want them to take supplements. The apparent answer: sign a deal to create an official supplement of tennis. I certainly appreciate that the WTA is taking a new approach, rather than banning all the untestable performance-enhancers, they’re getting some cash to only allow one. They’ll still be testing, […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 23rd, 2006

The Hangover

Orioles 6, Twins 3 - Nick Markakis hit 3 home runs, Baltimore happy for short time.
Mets 8, Cardinals 7 - Pujols drives in all seven runs, still not enough as Beltran his walk-off home-run. Beltran is actually underrated, which seemed impossible two years ago.
Angels 4, Red Sox 3 - Disney’s old team intentionally walks Ortiz, […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 22nd, 2006

Blazer Takes Baby-Steps, Is Simply Near Crime

Because today is a very slow news day, any sort of criminal activity peripherally involving an athlete makes the cut. And thusly, reports surfaced today of Zach Randolph’s “involvement” in a sexual assault case. The investigating officer is quick to point out that Zach is not a suspect. Honestly, being part of an investigation isn’t anything […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 1 comment

August 22nd, 2006

Marion Jones Only One Shocked by Positive Test

 
I was shocked when I was informed about the positive ‘A’ sample. I have requested that the testing of my ‘B’ sample be expedited and done as soon as possible
No way she forgets the masking agent a second time.
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 22nd, 2006

Aaron Rowand Continues to Run Into Shit…Hard

Aaron Rowand has great range in centerfield and goes all out to make the catch. Unfortunately, he often runs into things or people and ends up missing time. Earlier this year, he ran face first into the centerfield wall, breaking his nose. Now he’s out with a broken ankle suffered in a collision with Chase […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 22nd, 2006

The Hangover

Athletics 12, Blue Jays 10 - Toronto Manager John Gibbons: “Big whoop, want to fight about it?”
Tigers 7, White Sox 1 - Justin Verlander exorcising his Chicago demons is absolutely huh-yuge. He was 0-3 with an ERA near 10 before this game.
Yankees 2, Red Sox 1 - The good news, Boston fans,  is this should […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 22nd, 2006

Enjoy the World Cup Win, Italy, It Might Be the Last Soccer You See for Awhile

Juventus, one of the soccer clubs punished in the match-fixing scandal of last year, is filing another appeal. Essentially, their entire case against their relegation is that it would be very damaging to their club.
Relegation will, above all, gravely damage the identity of Juventus.In over a century of existence, Juve have contributed to writing the […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 22nd, 2006

The Hangover (All Yanks-Sox Edition)

Yankees 8, Red Sox 5 (1O Innings) - Papelbon blows a 2 run lead, Rivera gets out of a bases-loaded jam, Craig Hansen gets roughed up in the top of the 10th, Rivera gets the save in the bottom half. That probably should have been expected. The “Clutchest Hitter in the History in the World” […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

August 21st, 2006

The Describable Tiger Woods

I CALLED IT!
 
Here’s a list of words used to describe either Tiger Woods or his performance at the PGA Championship: Indomitable, magical, unprecedented, unfathomable, insatiable, obsessive, otherworldly, unparalleled, pretty good, kind, young, ice-cool, American, inspired, perfect, brilliant, greatest, better, best in the world, sculptured, strong, steamrolling, versatile, riveting, tough, pure, big, bad, invincible, clinical, No. 1, […]

By Albert Bianchi -- 4 comments

August 20th, 2006

Redundant Title Repeats Itself Redundantly

Palmer’s Status Unclear for Opener Unclear
[Palmer’s status has now “cleared,” so the article has changed to one with a less repetitive title. I’m leaving the post up because I’m happy Palmer’s playing.]
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By Albert Bianchi -- 0 comments

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